I've been really f**king lazy lately.
Well, actually I've been working all day and hitting the gym then coming back and crashing so its not your usual definition of lazy. But lazy for all of you that check this thing and shake your fists in anger about me not writing.
I'm not changing that right now, I'm still figuring out when to write new columns. I have a shitload of new ideas because my job isn't too mentally tasking so it gives me a lot of time to think of oddball quirks of life. Though I can't complain, it is a paycheck. However I'm pretty sure my unemployment lasted long enough that when I go deposit my check, my bank will call me about suspicious activity on my account.
Another thing I want to pimp right now is a new site called MuxTape.com It's real simple and a great way to show your friends what you're really digging right now. I'm always looking for new music and I'm really picky so I encourage everyone to make one and send me the link. You can leave it in the comment section or if you want to impress me use smoke signals.
Is the art of smoke signals dead yet? Much like the waltz, it takes two people that know what they're doing in order to succeed, otherwise some guy is just ruining a perfectly good blanket.
Anyway, my Muxtape can be found at http://dmac1983.muxtape.com and I'll add it to the sidebar too. Right now its just a mix of songs I threw up there. I'm not your typical improv/comedy guy that's into inde music or a guy playing a jug and a harmonica but I'll try to keep it to things most people wouldn't stumble across on their own as much as I can.
And one of these days I'll figure out a time to write.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Being Employed
I got a new job!
It's kind of a "real" job. It has potential to be, I should say. At this moment, I am not going to crack open the bottle of whiskey that shares a birthday with me in celebration but at least it gets me out of the house and collecting a regular paycheck. But I had to start the week after daylight savings, the suckiest week to ever start anything. And with a job, they expect you to go in, like, everyday, like, pretty early in the morning.
What could this glorious of glory job be, you ask? I scan documents all day. On my second day I counted how many I accomplished. That day, 414. The next, 508. And then today, I clocked in a whopping 510! This whole week I've done nothing but scan documents, but at least I'm good at it. The irritating part is the gorilla they trained to do the same job is good at it too. And he smokes.
Scanning documents is a lot like making copies, except at the end of the day, you don't get the reward of actually having copies.
Today while going through some of those 510 documents, I came across a name that caught my attention. The page read "Alan Bagelsmith, Architect." And for some reason this threw me off, because there are some names out there that tie you into certain career opportunities. I'm just saying, if your name is Bagelsmith and your occupation does not have anything to do with the production and selling of bagels then you have severely missed your calling.
If your name is Mike Pimpinbitches, I'm sorry, but being a doctor is not in the cards for you.
It's kind of a "real" job. It has potential to be, I should say. At this moment, I am not going to crack open the bottle of whiskey that shares a birthday with me in celebration but at least it gets me out of the house and collecting a regular paycheck. But I had to start the week after daylight savings, the suckiest week to ever start anything. And with a job, they expect you to go in, like, everyday, like, pretty early in the morning.
What could this glorious of glory job be, you ask? I scan documents all day. On my second day I counted how many I accomplished. That day, 414. The next, 508. And then today, I clocked in a whopping 510! This whole week I've done nothing but scan documents, but at least I'm good at it. The irritating part is the gorilla they trained to do the same job is good at it too. And he smokes.
Scanning documents is a lot like making copies, except at the end of the day, you don't get the reward of actually having copies.
Today while going through some of those 510 documents, I came across a name that caught my attention. The page read "Alan Bagelsmith, Architect." And for some reason this threw me off, because there are some names out there that tie you into certain career opportunities. I'm just saying, if your name is Bagelsmith and your occupation does not have anything to do with the production and selling of bagels then you have severely missed your calling.
If your name is Mike Pimpinbitches, I'm sorry, but being a doctor is not in the cards for you.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Ahoy-hoy
It's Alexander Graham Bell's Birthday.
If you don't know who AGB is you're probably not too bright, but that's okay if you're pretty. Its not my standard, but I stand by it. For those of you C-Cups and above, Bell was the first to patent the telephone. By all accounts of what they teach you in 7th grade history class, he was the inventor of the telephone, but there is some argument. If you want to fight about it we'll do it with knives, like real men, as for now let's move on.
AGB was all about answering the telephone "Ahoy-hoy." I've been known to answer my phone with this and people seem to get really thrown off. After how many consecutive phone calls does my salutation no longer shock you? I'm sorry I am not conforming to the status quo. My response was to say "Look, if you don't like it then stop calling!" Supposedly, no one liked it...
But Monty Burns was not the only reason I started using Ahoy-hoy! The word hello only came about in 1883. Its amazing to think of how someone would greet each other without this word being in common use. Hello is slang that has stuck around. If you were to travel back in time 100 years and try to hold a conversation with someone they'd be like "WTF?!" and even more "WTF?!" when I said "WTF?!" If it's one thing I worry about, its being able to blend with the public if I'm ever caught in a situation which randomly hurls me back in through the channels of time placing me at important events that helped mold life as we know it today. It keeps me up at night.
But today, or more likely yesterday, we celebrate the achievements of this great man. I'm not sure if he did anything else great that is known to the public, but I feel he deserves at least one more credential under his belt. Inventors, like many creative people, probably work best late at night, so when those famous first words of, "Mr. Watson - Come Here - I Want To See You." were spoken it was probably in the wee hours of the morning. Thus, AGB transmitted not only the first electromagnetic voice, he made the first booty call. Because anything after 11:00pm is not for business purposes.
If you don't know who AGB is you're probably not too bright, but that's okay if you're pretty. Its not my standard, but I stand by it. For those of you C-Cups and above, Bell was the first to patent the telephone. By all accounts of what they teach you in 7th grade history class, he was the inventor of the telephone, but there is some argument. If you want to fight about it we'll do it with knives, like real men, as for now let's move on.
AGB was all about answering the telephone "Ahoy-hoy." I've been known to answer my phone with this and people seem to get really thrown off. After how many consecutive phone calls does my salutation no longer shock you? I'm sorry I am not conforming to the status quo. My response was to say "Look, if you don't like it then stop calling!" Supposedly, no one liked it...
But Monty Burns was not the only reason I started using Ahoy-hoy! The word hello only came about in 1883. Its amazing to think of how someone would greet each other without this word being in common use. Hello is slang that has stuck around. If you were to travel back in time 100 years and try to hold a conversation with someone they'd be like "WTF?!" and even more "WTF?!" when I said "WTF?!" If it's one thing I worry about, its being able to blend with the public if I'm ever caught in a situation which randomly hurls me back in through the channels of time placing me at important events that helped mold life as we know it today. It keeps me up at night.
But today, or more likely yesterday, we celebrate the achievements of this great man. I'm not sure if he did anything else great that is known to the public, but I feel he deserves at least one more credential under his belt. Inventors, like many creative people, probably work best late at night, so when those famous first words of, "Mr. Watson - Come Here - I Want To See You." were spoken it was probably in the wee hours of the morning. Thus, AGB transmitted not only the first electromagnetic voice, he made the first booty call. Because anything after 11:00pm is not for business purposes.
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