P's & K's

Only you can prevent forest fires.

That's such bullshit, because if it was the case the world would be screwed. Even though my father has been a firefighter for over thirty years does not mean I am the type to run into a burning building. Besides your tasty bites after a run in with a wanderer down at the pub, wood burns, so I do not want to run into a place where I am surrounded by potential killer energy. It may not be gulfed in flames while I'm on a casual stroll with my ladyfriend in the middle of the afternoon, but I've seen the PSA's. All it takes it one stray cigarette butt being flicked out of a car and we can find ourselves surrounded by a wall of fire where my only option for survival is leaving her behind. Sure, it’s an easy decision, but I sweat a lot and I don't want her final thoughts to be how funky I smell, though it will make it easier for me to get away from her grasping hands slipping on my wet skin as she screams for me not to leave.

To get a bit scientific, every object has potential and kinetic energy. When an object is at rest, it has 100% potential energy. Once that object starts to move, the energy switches to kinetic. This is a dumbed down version of the explanation I don't fully understand myself, so if you wish to point out any flaws in my version of the argument, feel free to also share with us stories of the many lunches you ate alone in the library during high school. You big geek.

It may be that my Xanax prescription is running low, but I see the world in this scope of potential and kinetic problems. Some are more extreme than others, but if you watch any Will Smith movie it will tell you one day you're leading a normal life and everything is fine, and then something will derail you; be it extra-terrestrial or... well, mostly extra-terrestrial. And if you're not ready for it, you will be left behind by those of us that are. It's nothing personal, but in the event of the early invasion of the Crezzlantians, our future Reptilian Overloads, I will not be slowed down and allowed to be found by their large tracking animals which resemble armadillos and can smell heightened adrenaline in humans, and ultimately placed in a zoo on their home planet where I have to spend the rest of my life living with you in a glass cube outfitted to look like a swanky 1980's NYC apartment.

Anyone that has ever tried to assimilate another person into their life, be it in a consenting relationship or the random folk in your basement learning the Ludovico technique, knows it is impossible to live in a retroactive world dealing with only kinetic problems. But with time, and the correct preparation, you can be ready for all potential situations. Are you ready or are you going to be left behind?