A Very Special Episode of AoR

So what's the problem? Its just transition. Everyone deals with it and this won't be the only time I'll have to do it in my life. But I'll get this off my chest and put it up on my website and try to throw a joke in every now and then as to not completely bore anyone who decided to throw away their free time by reading me babble like all those other assholes with websites do. My babble I usually believe as worthwhile to read, this may be for those wondering whats up.

When people would ask me how life is I'd smile, shrug my shoulders and answer, "Shitty! But let's not let it ruin the day!" Turtles walk around with a hardshell around them at all times, us humans have to work hard to maintain that kind of safety bubble. Somehow I have kept my sanity through 4 months of absolutely nothing. The main reason I am so psycho to find a job is because I was always the person with the job in the past. I worked at the same place since I was 16, working every waking second, sacrificing time with friends, family, girls, and any personal time. You could say that in my head I don't find it fair. Its how I grew up. I didn't work at JC Penny 20 hours a week selling sweaters. I lived, breathed, (on some occasions I dont want to talk about, might have) killed working at the Arts Center.

"Hell, Dave, if you like it so much why not just do that?" The reason I loved it so much is the exact reason I don't want to do it. It becomes your entire life. But I have a degree I don't want to use and have to sit on job experiences to hook a phone call. Statistically, I should have gotten at least one phone call from someone curious about the certified Hostage Negotiator that just wanted the story.

I can't even hold conversations with my friends because NOTHING happens in my week. Its a real great feeling to call a friend to wish them a happy birthday, and after you get those two words out of your mouth you're out of shit to talk about. If I got a phone call from anyone I would almost think that's enough of a catylist to dial up an old friend. The next time my sister invites me over to dinner, you know all of you are getting calls about it.

So about my love life.... no, not going there. For those still curious however, its kind of like the the previous paragraph, except add in "The next time my sister invites me over to dinner, you know you're getting a phone call about it because I'm going to try and play it off as a date."

Getting up on stage used to be a release. No matter how shitty my life was I could get up on stage and everything would go away. Believe me, I tried my hardest to make my life miserable before some of the biggest shows I ever did. Being up in front of people had a way of letting me forget about the real world for a second. For that hour and a half, I wasn't the biggest jerk in the world or stressed out from working for hours and getting no respect or recognition from anyone; that was my home. My universe. Nothing could go wrong.

Somehow that got messed up to. Though this one isn't entirely my fault. MadCow must have spoiled me. Granted I was the person that was the most frustrated and irratable person to deal with whenever I had to negotiate a situation inside the herd. And if I was in the process of writing/filming/editing a video, it didn't matter how cute you were, I was preoccupied. What's been going on the last few weeks has just been frustrating. I don't know how to fix it, I don't know if I can fix it, and I probably shouldn't post anything on the internet until I talk to the guys about it, but I'm the one that can't sleep at 2am and I'll call them tommorow. So shhhhh, if you see them.

Distractions have been handy. The gym has been a good one, but the past two weeks it hasn't completely worked (damn you pretty girl!). Fighting with my cousin seems to work while I'm training with the boys, but I still suck at it (damn you guys bigger than me!). Other distractions I've tried over the course of time but haven't stuck have been slightly amusing. I tried reading. Got through 4 1/2 out of 5 books of the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy and flat out stopped (damn you phonics!). My idea to practice manipulating cards and sleight of hand after watching 6 straight hours of MindFreak fell through after I realized I can't do camera tricks (damn you Criss Angel!).

And I haven't been keeping up with this even though the best way I deal with things is make fun of them. But why? Part of it could be because a friend said to me this weekend, "You should write stuff that won't offend your friends." To which I replied, "Maybe I should get friends that won't be offended by what I write." (damn you friends???) But that's why I haven't written as much as usual, because the only thing I do with my day is hang out with the cat and occasionally, when you guys all get home from work, or class, or sitting around with your pets all day, I talk to you.

It was so much easier when I was more of a loner. Its hard to not write shit like this entry everytime you sit at your keyboard when its the only thing that rolls through your head all day.

So I may not have a job. I may not be able to land more than one punch during Fight Club. I may not be ready to swallow my pride and grow a pair. I may not fit in with my new group. And I may not have written what you expected to see when you clicked on the link in my profile. But there are a few things that keep me sane so that when people ask me "How's life?" I can respond.

Shitty. But let's not let it ruin our day.